Just Relax, It Will Happen

Following our trip to see Dr. Kaufman we had a mix of emotions. We aren’t broken. This is GREAT news. But we can’t get pregnant and he has no idea why. This is not so great news. If it were even possible I buckled down on learning more about infertility. I got a thermometer that I would wear through the night that constantly tracked my temps. I bought ovulation tests and took one every single morning and every single night. I stock piled pregnancy tests like a hoarder and when I was 5 days out from my period I’d start testing. This level of true insanity continued for another two years. We were so convinced if nothing was wrong then it was going to happen. When people asked “When are you having kids?” I would become irritated. I would respond sarcastically with “Well, our sex life is great.” When I opened up a little more and people would bring up kids I’d flat out tell them “We’ve been trying for 3 years. I don’t know.” Everyone seems embarrassed when they ask about kids and you respond with something honest like the fact you are having trouble conceiving, but if you aren’t prepared for an answer (good or bad) don’t ask the question. With the news we were struggling to get pregnant out the advice started pouring in. People I had never met were telling me to have a glass of red wine. Only have sex during a full moon. You have to go to Las Vegas. The one you hear the most though is “Just relax and it’ll happen!” In the beginning you can take the advice and just smile and move on. But eventually the advice starts to hurt. We tried the relaxed “it’ll happen” method for a year. I drank wine. We had sex during full moons. We did not go to Vegas. Well we did go to Vegas but not because we thought it would make us pregnant. It was a family vacation. We’d tried it all so now hearing things like “relax it’ll happen” start to make you angry. That obviously isn’t working, people don’t go years of trying then accidentally get pregnant because their mind wandered for a minute. I just had to remind myself that all of this unwanted advice was coming from a place of love. These were friends and family who loved us and wanted us to be pregnant but had no clue how to help. So they offered up as much reassurance and advice as they could. Don’t worry, the bitterness towards advice passes for the most part. Eventually you just smile and thank them for caring. In June 2017 we got our first sign God was working on a plan. I had reached my breaking point. I was crying and begging God to give me some kind of sign. If I wasn’t meant to be a Mama show me something so I can work towards getting past this. A few days later we got our first positive pregnancy test. There He was. He was showing me it was possible! Unfortunately the joy didn’t last long. The pregnancy was over before it ever really began ending around 5 weeks. Now with 2018 just a sneeze away we decided we should go back to the fertility doctor. We were now over 3 years into trying to conceive and had been married 4 years. Consider all of my plans derailed.

Go Fund Me: The Stephens IVF Journey 

"I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world."

John 16:33 NLT

~Ashley~